You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
They took my balls.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
