there was a trapeze. enough said
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
