every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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