On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
