Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Sext me about skeletons
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