Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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