So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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