Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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