I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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