How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
