what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
