I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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