Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
