im having a threesome with these popsicles
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
