don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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