my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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