the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
only if we run a train.
done.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
