White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
