so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
