There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
