trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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