Soap is not a condiment
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Randomize
