***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
