getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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