It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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