I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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