i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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