The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
