And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
