i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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