I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
