you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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