A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
