ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
