Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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