Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
