How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
