I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
