are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
