you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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