bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
