Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
