He is like the real live version of the state fair..
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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