Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
