I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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