I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
