there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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