now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Randomize
