She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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