I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
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