She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
