Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
