I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Rumble strips road head = magical
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
