there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
