I want to walk on stilts...naked
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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