Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
