Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
