I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
