i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
