Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
