There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
