I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
