Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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