Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
