Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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