At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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