he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
